Wednesday, 5 December 2012

Feeling Blessed but Blue ...

It's been a funny old day today.  I've had three lovely things happen.

Firstly, we were told at work that we were being given a 'thank you' gift - our choice of either a hamper of festive goodies or a case of wine, each to the value of £100.   I'm choosing the hamper as Lovely Man and I aren't big wine drinkers.  The hamper itself actually contains three bottles of the stuff anyway which is more than enough and will be a nice contribution to the festive table at my brother's on C-word day.

Secondly, THIS fantabulous item was awaiting me when I got home:

Ooh its so exciting!! This ver' posh looking gift bag is crammed full of 12 gifts for my delight and delectation! (and no - the empty cola bottle is not one of them!).

My group of online friends always do a bit of an advent calendar type gift every December and this year is no exception.  We're doing the 12 days of advent and so each of us have been matched up with a swapee and have sent each other 12 little gifts to open during December.  Something to look forward to isn't it?!  I couldn't resist a bit of a rattle and a feel but have now hidden them away out of sight so I'm not tempted to accidentally rip a little of the packaging!  That would never do!

Thirdly.......... my biggest and bestest ever present arrived today from my wondrous partner.  Its ..............



hehe...... yep - a shed all of my very own!  I can't believe it!  At last I will be able to move in all of my crafting stash and will be able to craft away to my heart's content without having to tidy it away, I shall have access to all of my 'stuff' and not have to ferret around in boxes underneath other boxes and get annoyed with papers and card being damaged.  This may seem like a massive extravagance but, dear readers, if you knew how small Peapods actually is, you'd understand the concept behind the big spend!  When I'm feeling slightly more brave, I'll take some photos of the chaos which abounds in our home.  It's not pretty I can assure you!  

It's going to be insulated and lined so it will be cosy and dry, have a heat and light source run through to it and I shall prettify it with curtains and cushions and paint it and it shall be ALLLLL mine!  I need a name for it.  Any ideas?

Such a lovely lot of lovely stuff.

But do you know what?  It's just stuff isn't it?  And I'd happily hand all of this lovely stuff over without a second's hesitation to someone more deserving if I could just have my Dad back.  I've not stopped crying today.  It's been a bad day and I miss him terribly.  I rang his old mobile phone number this evening to listen to his voicemail just to hear his voice.  I needed to do it.. I'd forgotten what he sounded like and he's only been gone five months. Is that weird?  Weird or not, it was strangely comforting and whilst it solves nothing, if that's all I have then I'm glad of it at this time.   I know it's probably pre-Christmas blues.  It will be the first one without him.  "Firsts" are always very difficult when a loved one has passed and this is a biggie.  We shall get through it I'm sure.  I wish I'd left him more voicemails when he was alive, just telling him how much I loved him.  I was tempted to leave one when I listened earlier, but I'm sure he knows.

See you soon 


  1. Kim's Castle?

    My people both died before the age of mobile phones, but I do have them both on tape. I find hearing their voices strangely reassuring.

  2. Oh Kim, really feel for you ... it's such a sad time when you're missing someone.

    Take care xxx

  3. oh bless you sweetie. Our first chrsitmas without my Dad was hard, especially for my Mum as he used to love it so much.
    Maybe your shed's name could have a little connection to Dad? something like Pops palace, I'm sure you will think of something suitable.

  4. Sending a {{HUG}} Kim.
    I lost my Dad on the 16th December, you can imagine how difficult this time of year is, even after 17 years. The first year is certainly the pits - too many 'firsts'.
    If you feel like a good old cry, go ahead - tears are healing, all part of the process hun. I'm certain of one thing, he's with you every day in your heart...
    Rose H
    P.S. LOVE Kath's suggestion about your darling shed!

  5. Aww :( Big, big hugs to you Kim and I second Kath's thoughts...

    Cannot wait for the big unveil!! *not in the least bit green here* <<--- Liar! lol

  6. Thank you so much everyone. I so appreciate your kind words xxx

  7. Sending massive cyber hugs to you Kim.It is difficult,and the 'firsts' are the worst, but it can still creep up years later. I just go with the flow and let the tears fall - it happened on Sunday evening watching Miracle on 34th St because he and Mum had taken K to see it a couple of months before he died.Most of the time I can remember without it hurting so much though - I think the time when that started to happen is when I knew things were getting a bit better.


Working from home

I've taken a precious day of annual leave today.  I've really struggled this week with feeling so yuk and I needed the restorative ...